I came across the line on the airplane. I had decided only
days before the conference to read the book, and here I was, on my way, with
half of it left to go. Ah, well, I’d
thought. If I don’t finish, I don’t
finish. No one will be upset with me.
But then I started reading, and words and phrases jumped off
the page at me, rattling my notions of how the world works and reminding me
that the God I serve is just as micro as He is macro. That the world of
molecules and the world of galaxies are magical places, painted by a Great
Artist. That the Great Artist loves and cares for and comforts His people.
And I sat on the airplane, devouring the book, almost
grateful for the flight delay as it would give me more time on the
tilt-a-whirl.
Then I came to the line. I’m not a margin writer. I don’t
generally underline. I avoid dog-earing page corners. I like clean pages and post-it notes. But I have journals
full of lines from books, the ones that strike me just right that I can’t set
aside, that I must keep and find again. So when I came to the line my first
instinct was to dig in my backpack for my journal. And then I reached for a pen…and
came up empty-handed.
I had grabbed the essentials – wallet, chapstick, Asian coffee-flavored hard candies – from my purse when I put it into the bag being
gate-checked. Somehow I had missed a pen.
I was frozen for a moment, torn over the need to mark the passage
and my distaste for marring pages. I glanced out of the corner of my eye at the
man next to me. His burly arms were painted with colorful tattoos, his goatee
long and frizzled. He read a graphic novel. It was the graphic novel that made
me hope. Tattoos and a grizzly goatee might be on a biker guy, and I’d be less
likely to expect him to carry a pen. But the graphic novel made me feel a
little kinship with the man – though I can’t say I’ve ever read one. I know
people who read graphic novels, and I know that they have creative minds and
hearts. He might have a pen.
“Excuse me,” I asked, still slightly intimidated by the gauges
in the ears and the hipster glasses on his round face. “Do you have a pen I
could borrow?”
The pen was a sea-green Bic with sparkles in the plastic. He
was not a cap-chewer. He went back to
his graphic novel and I dove back in, to the line, and began writing on the
first page of my new journal.
“To His eyes, you never leave the stage. You don’t cease to
exist. It is a chapter ending, an act, not the play itself. Look to Him. Walk
toward Him. The cocoon is a death, but not a final death. The coffin can be a
tragedy, but not for long.
“There will be butterflies.”i
In an instant I was back in a hospital intensive care unit
on December second, knowing that the man in the bed would not recover, would
never play piano for me again. I was sitting in my sister’s bedroom on April ninth
hearing on the phone that a woman I loved and worked with daily had died the evening before, three
weeks after the cancer diagnosis. I was at the memorial service on May fifth,
thinking of the man who had been my teacher, and watching his wife and children
and grandchildren mourn him.
And I thought of what Lisa said when she woke up on that
Easter morning that she died. Her sister came into the room and greeted her
with, “He is risen.”
Lisa sat up in the bed and said, “He is risen
indeed.” Then she gathered her energy enough to speak again. “It’s Resurrection
Day, and my boots are in the closet.”
“There will be butterflies.”
And I thought of losing Keren, and losing Aimee, and all the
other coffins that have been tragedies. But not for long.
“There will be butterflies.”
If nothing else this weekend at Hutchmoot reminded me of
that hope. I serve the Creator God who chose to enter the anthill, the Second
Adam who chose to lay down his life fighting the dragon in order to save His
bride.ii Whose people create works that point to Him in various ways, like setting a
story in a house called Maison Dieu,
which is haunted by a Spirit, which welcomes all travelers to the central
Chapel where they are reborn.iii
Whose greatest stories plant a signpost at the end that says, “The story goes
on that way.”iv
“Death feels so wrong to us because death ends a story that
was meant to go on.”v
But this life and these deaths are the foundation for a new
work, a new creation, built on the old…
“Our hope is not for a happy ending, but for a happy
beginning—a new story.”vi
“There will be butterflies.”
i Wilson,
N.D., Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl.
Thomas Nelson. p. 113
ii
Wilson, N.D., Ideas presented in session on Adventurous
Storytelling and in Notes from the
Tilt-A-Whirl.
iii
Goudge, Elizabeth, Pilgrim’s Inn.
From Sarah Clarkson’s session on Spiritual
Subtext.
iv
Peterson, A.S., Idea presented in session on Tales of the New Creation.
v
Peterson, A.S., Tales of the New
Creation.
vi
Trafton, Jennifer. Tales of the New
Creation.
Yes, yes, and yes. So beautiful, Carrie. My heart is full.
ReplyDeleteGreat thoughts Carrie.
ReplyDeleteCarrie, this is fantastic. So beautiful.
ReplyDeleteTilt-a-whirl indeed. I was glad to climb on with you for a few days!
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteJust reading this now, Carrie, a year after Hutchmoot. Almost a year after I lost my mom. And I couldn't figure out why, but all year, ever since she died. I've seen hope in the butterflies. There was one at her funeral, one at the graveside, many of them all throughout my days that seem to appear just when I need them, to remind me of this. There will be butterflies. But I couldn't remember where that idea was from, though I'd read the book ages ago. Thank you for reminding me, and in such a beautiful way. I needed this tonight!
ReplyDelete