Thursday, April 12, 2012

A Bewildering Reality

Every few hours I find myself clicking this link, and staring at the page, thinking, "Is it really real?"

As one of my coworkers put it today, we're just dealing with her absence, not with the loss; it hasn't sunk in yet.

We keep expecting to see her.

And while I don't want it to be real, I don't want to never see her again, I know that it is, and I know that I won't.

I go to Lancaster on Saturday for a service in her honor. I don't know what it will entail, but I know she planned it in her final days. So I know it's not going to be focused on her; it will be focused on her Savior.

But I think it will take away a bit of the bewilderment and turn the reality from vapor to solid.

And that won't be easy. But it will be real. And she loved real things.

1 comment:

  1. Good thoughts, Carrie. Good mourning. Something, perhaps, few of your peers have dealt with. You've grieved often in the last four months. Learning to mourn and doing it well, will deepen your heart so that when joy comes it will have even greater exhilaration. So walk through the "valley of the shadow of death" fearing no evil but embracing the pain, the loss, the grief and mourn. At some point, not today or tomorrow, but in time, your mourning will turn to dancing again. Love ya, Aunt Sally


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